In the beginning
I grew up in a semi religious environment of going to Sunday school and living in a house where, if you would ask us, we would claim to have been Christians. While we would have claimed to be Christians, we never lived like “true” Christian. When I was about 11 or 12 I asked a question to a visiting minister, form one of the many different denominations we have belonged to by then, that he could not give me an answer to. I asked him, because Christians believe that the second coming of Christ is imminent, what would happen at the second coming of Christ, if people were somewhere in space, like on the moon, on Mars, on some other planet or travelling towards some planet? What would happen to people if they are somewhere other than planet earth? In addition, the bible says that Revelations 1:7 - “Behold, he is coming with the clouds, and every eye will see him…” If the bible is true then Jesus will have to return before any of that happen!
I acknowledge that it was not the most mind boggling or intellectual question ever asked, but it was the first chip in the armour of “blind faith” that was wrapped around my head. Moreover, it would go on and proof to be the little pebble that caused the avalanche, the one that help set me free many years into the future. For the next few years after that we did not really go to church much or even claimed to be reborn-Christian’s. When I was 15 [grade 10] my father married again and we started going to church more seriously. We attended the AFM church (AGS Kerk) in Dundee, Northern Natal. This church is more charismatic than the Dutch Reformed and Methodist churches but less so than the “Rhema” type churches. It was though, one of the “happy-clappy” churches. By the end of the year, I became “born again” and was baptised by being submerge in the churches baptism bath. From that moment on, I became a radical Christian believer. For the next 9 years, I studied the bible every day and went to every evangelical event I could. I proclaimed my faith wherever and whenever I had the opportunity. Usually, I would make an opportunity if I did not have one. I attended and started multiple bible studies and prayer groups. I went on a missionary tour to Mozambique. I even quit my job on two occasions to go and “evangelise” the streets, believing God was calling me to do so. Years later on, I became the youth leader at my church in Bethlehem. I dedicated my life to serving Jesus Christ and His cause. I was the ultimate “bible basher”. However, every now and then, I would come across something that would make me ask a question that would be contradicting to my faith or would show a side of God that was confusing to me; I would suppress it and apply the “blind faith” band-aid. In this time, I saw more and more how Christians was mistreating unbelievers and even fellow Christians. I saw many people being push away from fellowship, the church and ultimately God because they were different. The so-called love and acceptance of others is NOT a major player in Gods churches. When people feel save and comfortable in their churches they guard it ferociously. Even seeing and experiencing hypocrisy, pride, jealousy, backstabbing and falseness in the churches of God I kept my faith. However, what made me question my faith the most at the end of those nine years was that, slowly but surely, I could not look someone in the eyes any more and tell them, with faith and confidence, that God loves them. After serving God for so long, I could not believe in him any more. I could not lie to myself and other people by telling them something I did not believe in any more.
By then so many things was bothering me about the Christian Bible, the faith and dogma, which was making me frustrated for not having answers. It was keeping me in the dark because of the “blind faith” excuse. By the time I was 24, I decided to have a breather and take a step back from all of this. I told God that I am getting of the bus for now and going my own way. For the next 3 years or so, I just read anything that came across my path; story-, religious-, science-, non-religious- and spiritual books and any essay of someone that had an interesting topic. I wanted to know what other people think. I wanted this “blind faith” armour ripped of me so that I can see for myself that I either have something worth putting my faith in, or not. By the time I was about 27 I came to the point where I made a conscience decision not to be a Christian any more. My eyes have opened up. I have been a wondering soul for to long and it came to a point where I had to take a stand and decide what I believe in. That is the reason of this book. I want to put as much information together as possible to be able to have a better look at the bigger picture. In addition, to show others the detail of what I discovered.
Having said all this I willingly and boldly acknowledge that my faith [during the first few years as a Christian] saved my life! I was going through a very tough time and it gave me something to hold on to and to believe in when I had nothing and no one ells. For that, I will always be thankful. Some people will think that now that it is going better with me I have fallen away. However, it is not the case. I have not fallen away; I deliberately, willingly, consciously and with conviction walked away.
Once more, I ask that you will listen to me, but this time I do not need you to believe me but to understand what I am going to show you.
